Monday, October 30, 2006

Kneel before your new champion



Nicky Hayden! Yes! The newly crowned 2006 MotoGP World Champion Nicky Hayden is an American and he rides a Honda. Nothing could be finer. Life is good, and Nicky is officially the best. Follow the leader, he's American and he's on a Honda.
Eat it Italy.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Fingers Crossed

Web rage? What the fuck. Why does everything need to have rage attached to it? If someone beats the crap out of another person of course there was rage involved. Why does one victim deserve more or less justice for the crime perpetrator than another victim because of the criminal's motivation? Because someone is a minority or because a cute little label has altered the crime's description more sentencing is needed? Murder, assault, mayhem, or any violent crime does not have the outcome altered by segregating the victims and labeling identical crimes differently based on feelings or motivation. This dude got beat the fuck up. So, punish the criminal the same as if he beat up someone because they called him an asshole, or he didn't like their race, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever. The lesson to be learned here is keep plenty of friends around if you plan on insulting people online who may be able to track you down. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Come on over. Make sure you don't bring a knife to my gunfight.

Repulsive

I have never been one to suffer fools and I certainly don't mince words when it comes to my opinions. I like to call shit like it is and frequently say that the truth hurts, get over it. I hate political correctness because being p.c. means being full of shit and sugarcoating the facts to make someone else feel better. Fuck that. If you want someone to make you feel better call your mom or buy a dog. This story pisses me off on so many levels. This bag of fuck killed her child and took a fucking smoke break while an emergency operator gave her cpr instructions for her dying son. The autopsy found the child had many illegal drugs in his bloodstream. Then the court has the gall to protect her privacy by not releasing her name. Fuck that shit. Everyone should know what this piece of shit did before they publicly execute her in the town square. Why keep her alive? Seriously, is there one fucking reason for her to live? Is society better having someone like this sharing our oxygen? No. Put her down like a rabid animal because she isn't fit to live on the same planet as me.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Steve will CRUSH you

This is a very interesting story. So some hacker genius kid has cracked the i-tunes code that prohibits sharing your shit with other mp3 players and thinks he can sell his pirate hack. These people,the kid and the companies involved, think Steve Jobs is gonna let that shit stand? Have you lost your fucking minds? Ummm, yeah maybe they won't do anything. That fucking i-pod isn't that popular, is it? They probably don't have teams of badass lawyers. How can smart people be that stupid? Maybe its all a publicity ploy, or maybe its just that people in California have become so fucking socialist they don't recognize U.S. law anymore.

Geriatric Ass Whoopin'

Yes! This 70 year old former British soldier kicked the shit out of some jackasses who picked the wrong old man to mug. Awesome.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Wake up America

I'm glad some people are outraged. Let's step up to 'pissed the fuck off'. Communist News Network regularly shows its commitment to the troops. Why should the U.S. government help those fuckers commit borderline treason?

Proud Parents

The always funny Dave from Garfield Ridge had this posted on his site. Not only is it hilarious but it makes a sad commentary on the state of our educational system. Most people would agree that we have some problems with the government school system, unless you are a teacher or work for a government school, of course. Georgia has ranked near the very bottom of academic performance for years and I hate the stigma that goes with the poor showings.

The south already has an image of a bunch of dumbass rednecks driving around in pickups with gun racks in the back windows, spitting tobacco juice out the window, listening to Hank Jr., and spewing racial epithets in between the y'all's and aints that come from our mouths half filled with yellow stained teeth. I hate that image. Anyone who has visited the south knows that except for the really rural areas, the south doesn't fit that negative stereotype. I am proud to be southern and proud to be a smart, funny, well read, well informed, fairly moral, well mannered, mostly polite, decent, caring southern gentlemen (who sometimes curses way too much). I still keep one eye on the carpetbaggers, but we mostly let them stay.

There is some good news for the south. I read this article about Arizona being rated the dumbest of all the states. Georgia was 41. Not a great showing, but morons can't be too picky, I guess. The truly awesome part of all this is the story I read immediately after finding out how fucking dumb Arizonans children are; that gem is here. Boy, that doesn't help. That must be some proud parents. Congratulations, your kid is a retee. I'm glad those people don't live in the south.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I suggest a bolt gun. The tale of two dirtbags.

Why does our society put up with crap like this? If you're gonna fucking kill someone, why the fuck does it matter what their fucking opinion is anyway? Of course the murderer doesn't think he should be executed. What the fuck happened to justice? The dirtbag was convicted, just carry out the fucking sentence. Jesus Henry fucking Christ. This world is fucked. I don't understand why we can't just execute people the same way we do cows. With a motherfucking bolt gun. That's right. It's way cheaper than any other methods currently used. I know if it will kill cows, bulls and horses it will kill convicts. People don't have the stomach for that kind of shit anymore. We endlessly debate and let murderers linger in prison for years appealing every imaginable part of the trial. Get the fuck on with it, and let everyone involved who didn't commit murder go on with their lives. Some people believe that no one person's life is worth more than another's life. I bet most people who have lost relatives or loved ones to violent crimes have a different outlook.

Now this asshole did everyone a favor. Thanks jackass. You finally made a good decision. Now burn in fucking hell. *

*I just like that way that sounds. As an agnostic, I don't really believe in Hell, but 'burn in uncertainty' doesn't sound as commanding.*

Make with the funny

I came across this funny cartoon about a problem most women share. I only know one precious female who wouldn't do this. Women do tend to pick the most inconvienent time to start talking and bug the shit out of you.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Weekend Addendum

As an addendum to my Friday writing...I'm not sorry. All of you can eat shit, throw it up, then eat it again. Seriously. Also, I don't vote anymore...because...I think it is insulting to have to pick between the fattest, most dishonest, vile piece of filth that our country can find to "represent" them while fucking all of us without, in to quote Full Metal Jacket, "the common decency of a reach around." Have a shitty weekend, a shitty day, and a fucked up life. Good luck to the fat fuck that wins in November.

Politcal Scum

Let's talk about some real shitbags. Politicians. I don't care what your political affiliation or leanings, politicians are worthless scum of the fucking earth. Here are a couple of examples. Bill Frist is the senate majority leader. He sucks. Harry Reid is the senate minority leader. He swallows. It is almost time for an armed (or one armed) revolt. Both of these fucks think you are stupid. They both think they know what is best for you and they think the rules don't apply to politicians. Are they better than you? Do something. Call, write, email, these fucks and let them know you are watching and you vote. If you don't vote, then you fail yourself and your country. Move to Mexico, you fucking commie pinko motherfucker. I can't stand people that bitch about politics and don't vote. Unless you are some kind of fucking ignorant kool-aid drinking asshole, then you can stay at home and eat cheetos and watch judge judy in your own filth. Leave the voting to the informed people. That kind of leaves most of you dems in limbo, huh?

Friday, October 13, 2006

Well, allow Prince Valiant to retort

Apparently someone isn't going down without a fight. Good ol' John Mason has shown some fire and filed him a countersuit against the bug-eyed bitch. Right on. He should sue her for double the amount she asked for. I'm glad to see he's not gonna roll over.

I like the way the dumbass reporters keep mentioning the fact that she had to mow the lawn at some government buildings. What the fuck does that matter? Seriously, where did that shit come from? Why even mention that? Like that is some horrible fucking punishment? They made her do something that most kids in the suburbs have to do until they move out(some longer than that) and some people make a very nice living mowing lawns. If I were a judge I would have put her in front of a rickshaw and made her pull the fat ass mayor around all fucking week. She's a runner, it would test her endurance, she might like it. Except for people taking pictures and hounding you with stupid fucking questions non-fucking-stop. Lucky for her I'm not a judge (well, not officially).

DO NOT read this.

Good Friday to you all. You can all go to hell.

I will go ahead and state up front that I have the utmost respect for the men and women who serve in the armed forces of the United States. They deserve our respect. That being said, I have noticed as time has gong on, just how full of shit former Army soldiers are. With very few exceptions, I haven't experienced this with ex Marine, Navy, or Air Force personnel. Why is this? Almost without exception, an ex-Army will brag about "training with Special Forces" or about every thing they have fucked or what they did. Today in class, an ex-Army woman was raising hell about a massacre in Vietnam that she felt was not accurately portrayed in a book we were reading. The point of the book was NOT the massacre,but how events in history are portrayed in cinema. I wanted to give her the "palm"--a secret move that the army teaches you in special foreces (you COPS fans will understand the reference, if not, then you should die.)Which reminds me, I hope she...hell I won't say it. I will say though,if my face looked like my neck took a shit, I would not try too attract attention to myself by being such an insipient pedant. Have a shitty weekend--you all fucking suck. Sorry, I'm having a bad day.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Cat is Back

This story is awesome. I love it. The world needs more justice like this. The world is too politically correct and society has become soft. There is no reason to spend time and research on more compassionate ways to punish violent offenders. What ever happened to a good old hanging in the town square? I know all about that 'cruel and unusual punishment' part of the eighth amendment but can hanging really be any more cruel than the eclectric chair, gas chamber, or lethal injection? They all accomplish the same fucking goal. D-E-D, Dead. So, I say bring back the Cat.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

RUI and the witches of Gwinnett

Aww, shit. Why does this kind of crap have to happen here? Does Georgia really need this kind of exposure? Last week it was the crazy batshit woman who wanted to ban Harry Potter books from libraries and she never even read the fucking books. She claimed the books were evil, promoted witchcraft and children couldn't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Um, maybe your kids can't tell the difference because their mom is nuttier than squirrel shit. Damn. I need to move.

A story to warm the heart

I really enjoy stories like this. Warms my heart and makes me jealous of the 14 year old kid. Damn.

Hat tip to boortz.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Death Pools and Character Actors

It is nice to receive a comment on my writing. I always encourage feedback, negative or positive, that is either constructive, non-constructive. or destructive. In an effort to promote feedback and participation, I offer two topics: Death Pools and Character Actors.

The first topic is especially dear to me. For the past year or so, I have put a lot of effort into my spiritual life. Yes, my spiritual life. I will not proselytize but I must say that I do believe in a greater being other than Sean and that has helped to guide my moral values. That being said, hanging out with Sean really tests the limits of my struggle against moral turpitude. Its not that we steal, kill cats, or spit in peoples' faces (well,usually not), its that what we find humorous is sometimes suspect and is,therefore, in need of "monitoring". The subject of the death pool came up as we were watching a sporting event in which a commentator who will remain nameless is currently battling a particularly deadly illness. The subject of death came up, a few names were thrown around about who would die first. I put my bet on the commentator. Now, my question is this: Am I going to hell? Please let me know.

Secondly, I am always asking Sean about various character actors that are on t.v. I think of Bernie Koppel and Robert Vaughn. These guys are not "no names" nor are they really famous. Did they have to play a certain number of "badguy" roles to gain the stature that they enjoy? I admit this is not the most exciting topic; in fact, it rather sucks. But I tell you what else I think sucks: people who read blogs and don't offer responses. So please, let's hear it.

Bug Eyes, Prince Valiant, and J.C.

I guess I can't avoid this. People have sent me links to this story from as far away as Alaska, and California this morning. Being the blogging authority for Duluth, Georgia I guess it's falls upon me to satirize, mock, ridicule, and maybe make sense of the latest installment of this overblown and embarrassing piece of local history.

The crazy bug-eyed bitch is back. First, let's get something straight. This chick is not from Duluth. Not that it's a huge source of civic pride, but I don't like people saying she's from my hometown because, well because, fuck her that's why. She was just living with her fiance in Duluth and trust me people here no longer care if she ever comes back.

She's a money hungry, lying whore. She's suing her former fiance John Mason (I'll get to him) for 500,000 dollars. Since the couple sold the rights to their story for 500,000 dollars, it's easy to conclude that half of that money should be hers. She's going to need that money to move out of state in order to find any man that would spend more than 30 minutes with her because she's fucking crazy. Most men don't want crazy, that's why women try to hide it until after they get married. The other 250,000 is punitive damages for alleged abuse of her power of attorney. What the fuck is that shit? This may explain some issues in the relationship, because this bag o'cunts has some fucking balls. With all the shit this bitch pulled and she wants punitive damages? That's some fuckin nerve.

John Mason. Prince Valiant haircut. Wow. Where to start. I know John Mason. We are not close but I have known him and his family for most of my life. I like John and he is a good person. During the whole overblown ordeal, I never believed John had any involvement in whatever happened to bug eyes. I spoke out in defense of John with numerous people who only knew what they had seen on the news reports. I knew his character and not having spent more that 5 minutes with the guy in close to 15 years didn't change my mind. But that doesn't mean I think he's innocent in this little affair.

This chick has some problems upstairs and he should have better fucking known better. The first clue for any man should have been her aftermarket, bolt-on, store bought tits. Dude, come the fuck on. Everybody saw that set of upgrades. Follow me for a minute here. Chicks with fake tits like to fuck. Don't question me, just pay attention. Women don't get fake breasts for any other reason than to get men. That's it. Some women may give you some other bullshit answer, but it all comes back to men and sex. Most chicks don't even like tits. I know, weird.

So, John goes to college and parties like only a SEC university can. After college he wants to settle down and meets ole bug eyes. For some fucking reason, the idiot doesn't notice all barbie dolls laying around missing heads or the drawings of unicorns slaughtered in fields of purple grass with midgets dancing everywhere, he decides to propose marriage to the crazy bitch(some of this may be embellished slightly). Now this is what bug eyes wants but there is one little problem. John, after college, has decided to abstain from sex until marriage. Yeah, for real. He's become a born again virgin. I don't know how, but I'm sure it includes a fake drowning or some kind of washing. Christians like that kind of stuff. That's right, part of this is jesus' fault. Well, maybe not him personally, but some of his peeps. So, remember the tits? Yeah, ol' bug eyes likes to fuck. This could be a problem for Jen and her Jackrabbit. So off she goes to Las Vegas.

Ahh, Sin City. I love it. Why pick Vegas? Did she gamble? Did she go see a show? What else could Vegas be known for? How about a last minute fuck to tide you over. Yeah. Ole bug eyes went to Vegas to get buggered, rogered, pumped, slammed, just plain laid. So, John is partly to blame for this whole situation (and jesus). John should have been giving her what she needed (and j.c. should have butted out). Of course, he wound up with a fair amount of cash and he got to be on Sean Hannity's show. Not too shabby. Most dudes have to change the locks and their phone numbers. I wonder if he at least did the motorboat?

Monday, October 09, 2006

Lucky s.o.b.

This lucky sonofabitch. Why couldn't I have been the concealed weapon permit holder who gets to shoot a dirtbag in self defense? Some people have all the luck.

Salutations

Okay, I am going to start with what you won't read from me. I don't make fun of retarded children. I will hopefully be a dad someday and despite what my distinguished colleague has advised me, I do believe that making fun of retarded children does, in fact, increase my chances of siring a retarded child. Not only do I not want a retarded child, but I also do not want the extra burden of that comes with it: specialized equipment, pretending to be proud that it only took 5 minutes to run the 50-yard dash; you understand. With that being said, I bid you goodnight.

Scarlett ruined

I would have never believed that anyone could make Scarlett Johansson look plain and boring. But, it has been done. Apparently the idiots at esquire magazine thought it would be a great idea to pick some artsy-fartsy type photographer whose main medium is ducks and waterfalls to take pictures of the woman deemed by their mag as "sexiest woman alive' (like there were a bunch of dead bitches in the running somewhere). This should have been a hard assignment to fuck up.Here's an incredibly beautiful woman and all you have to do is dress her up and take some snapshots. Half the pictures (that I have seen here) don't even show her face. What the fuck? Don't cover her face, moron. Besides the angelic face, this woman has a smoking body and not taking full advantage of the wonderful gifts that were presented should get this asshole fired for gross incompetence. This photographer must be gay not to notice everything this woman has going for her. These pictures couldn't get Ron Jeremy hard, and he will fuck anything. What kind of male base does esquire strive for anyway? I don't know anyone who reads that crap, so I guess it must be marketed to those douchebags that wax their eyebrows, get pedicures, drive bmw's, and drink wine with dinner. Those people are called 'metrosexuals' and they are ruining shit for real men who like sexy, curvy women. With boobs. We really like boobs.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Welcome children

The first real post at the new blog home. I have been considering starting a blog for a few months. I tried a few posts on my Myspace page and enjoyed the ranting and raving, the ridiculing and skewering of dumbasses, the wonderful release that is blogging. Being the procrastinator and realist that I am, I thought I could use some help keeping posting more frequent and offer some different perspective on life's goings on. Currently there are three assholes here, but that could change at any moment as we test the waters (and each other) with this new venture. My new cohorts should introduce themselves soon. I will probably be ranting as usual but extending the subject base to include many more things that irritate the shit out of me and deserve my ridicule and scorn. Of course, I will also continue to advise the more mentally deficient members of society who keep fucking up the rotation and anything else that strikes my fancy. Eat it whores.