Salutations

Okay, I am going to start with what you won't read from me. I don't make fun of retarded children. I will hopefully be a dad someday and despite what my distinguished colleague has advised me, I do believe that making fun of retarded children does, in fact, increase my chances of siring a retarded child. Not only do I not want a retarded child, but I also do not want the extra burden of that comes with it: specialized equipment, pretending to be proud that it only took 5 minutes to run the 50-yard dash; you understand. With that being said, I bid you goodnight.