Bug Eyes, Prince Valiant, and J.C.
I guess I can't avoid this. People have sent me links to this story from as far away as Alaska, and California this morning. Being the blogging authority for Duluth, Georgia I guess it's falls upon me to satirize, mock, ridicule, and maybe make sense of the latest installment of this overblown and embarrassing piece of local history.
The crazy bug-eyed bitch is back. First, let's get something straight. This chick is not from Duluth. Not that it's a huge source of civic pride, but I don't like people saying she's from my hometown because, well because, fuck her that's why. She was just living with her fiance in Duluth and trust me people here no longer care if she ever comes back.
She's a money hungry, lying whore. She's suing her former fiance John Mason (I'll get to him) for 500,000 dollars. Since the couple sold the rights to their story for 500,000 dollars, it's easy to conclude that half of that money should be hers. She's going to need that money to move out of state in order to find any man that would spend more than 30 minutes with her because she's fucking crazy. Most men don't want crazy, that's why women try to hide it until after they get married. The other 250,000 is punitive damages for alleged abuse of her power of attorney. What the fuck is that shit? This may explain some issues in the relationship, because this bag o'cunts has some fucking balls. With all the shit this bitch pulled and she wants punitive damages? That's some fuckin nerve.
John Mason. Prince Valiant haircut. Wow. Where to start. I know John Mason. We are not close but I have known him and his family for most of my life. I like John and he is a good person. During the whole overblown ordeal, I never believed John had any involvement in whatever happened to bug eyes. I spoke out in defense of John with numerous people who only knew what they had seen on the news reports. I knew his character and not having spent more that 5 minutes with the guy in close to 15 years didn't change my mind. But that doesn't mean I think he's innocent in this little affair.
This chick has some problems upstairs and he should have better fucking known better. The first clue for any man should have been her aftermarket, bolt-on, store bought tits. Dude, come the fuck on. Everybody saw that set of upgrades. Follow me for a minute here. Chicks with fake tits like to fuck. Don't question me, just pay attention. Women don't get fake breasts for any other reason than to get men. That's it. Some women may give you some other bullshit answer, but it all comes back to men and sex. Most chicks don't even like tits. I know, weird.
So, John goes to college and parties like only a SEC university can. After college he wants to settle down and meets ole bug eyes. For some fucking reason, the idiot doesn't notice all barbie dolls laying around missing heads or the drawings of unicorns slaughtered in fields of purple grass with midgets dancing everywhere, he decides to propose marriage to the crazy bitch(some of this may be embellished slightly). Now this is what bug eyes wants but there is one little problem. John, after college, has decided to abstain from sex until marriage. Yeah, for real. He's become a born again virgin. I don't know how, but I'm sure it includes a fake drowning or some kind of washing. Christians like that kind of stuff. That's right, part of this is jesus' fault. Well, maybe not him personally, but some of his peeps. So, remember the tits? Yeah, ol' bug eyes likes to fuck. This could be a problem for Jen and her Jackrabbit. So off she goes to Las Vegas.
Ahh, Sin City. I love it. Why pick Vegas? Did she gamble? Did she go see a show? What else could Vegas be known for? How about a last minute fuck to tide you over. Yeah. Ole bug eyes went to Vegas to get buggered, rogered, pumped, slammed, just plain laid. So, John is partly to blame for this whole situation (and jesus). John should have been giving her what she needed (and j.c. should have butted out). Of course, he wound up with a fair amount of cash and he got to be on Sean Hannity's show. Not too shabby. Most dudes have to change the locks and their phone numbers. I wonder if he at least did the motorboat?
The crazy bug-eyed bitch is back. First, let's get something straight. This chick is not from Duluth. Not that it's a huge source of civic pride, but I don't like people saying she's from my hometown because, well because, fuck her that's why. She was just living with her fiance in Duluth and trust me people here no longer care if she ever comes back.
She's a money hungry, lying whore. She's suing her former fiance John Mason (I'll get to him) for 500,000 dollars. Since the couple sold the rights to their story for 500,000 dollars, it's easy to conclude that half of that money should be hers. She's going to need that money to move out of state in order to find any man that would spend more than 30 minutes with her because she's fucking crazy. Most men don't want crazy, that's why women try to hide it until after they get married. The other 250,000 is punitive damages for alleged abuse of her power of attorney. What the fuck is that shit? This may explain some issues in the relationship, because this bag o'cunts has some fucking balls. With all the shit this bitch pulled and she wants punitive damages? That's some fuckin nerve.
John Mason. Prince Valiant haircut. Wow. Where to start. I know John Mason. We are not close but I have known him and his family for most of my life. I like John and he is a good person. During the whole overblown ordeal, I never believed John had any involvement in whatever happened to bug eyes. I spoke out in defense of John with numerous people who only knew what they had seen on the news reports. I knew his character and not having spent more that 5 minutes with the guy in close to 15 years didn't change my mind. But that doesn't mean I think he's innocent in this little affair.
This chick has some problems upstairs and he should have better fucking known better. The first clue for any man should have been her aftermarket, bolt-on, store bought tits. Dude, come the fuck on. Everybody saw that set of upgrades. Follow me for a minute here. Chicks with fake tits like to fuck. Don't question me, just pay attention. Women don't get fake breasts for any other reason than to get men. That's it. Some women may give you some other bullshit answer, but it all comes back to men and sex. Most chicks don't even like tits. I know, weird.
So, John goes to college and parties like only a SEC university can. After college he wants to settle down and meets ole bug eyes. For some fucking reason, the idiot doesn't notice all barbie dolls laying around missing heads or the drawings of unicorns slaughtered in fields of purple grass with midgets dancing everywhere, he decides to propose marriage to the crazy bitch(some of this may be embellished slightly). Now this is what bug eyes wants but there is one little problem. John, after college, has decided to abstain from sex until marriage. Yeah, for real. He's become a born again virgin. I don't know how, but I'm sure it includes a fake drowning or some kind of washing. Christians like that kind of stuff. That's right, part of this is jesus' fault. Well, maybe not him personally, but some of his peeps. So, remember the tits? Yeah, ol' bug eyes likes to fuck. This could be a problem for Jen and her Jackrabbit. So off she goes to Las Vegas.
Ahh, Sin City. I love it. Why pick Vegas? Did she gamble? Did she go see a show? What else could Vegas be known for? How about a last minute fuck to tide you over. Yeah. Ole bug eyes went to Vegas to get buggered, rogered, pumped, slammed, just plain laid. So, John is partly to blame for this whole situation (and jesus). John should have been giving her what she needed (and j.c. should have butted out). Of course, he wound up with a fair amount of cash and he got to be on Sean Hannity's show. Not too shabby. Most dudes have to change the locks and their phone numbers. I wonder if he at least did the motorboat?
posted by Sean at 11:46 AM
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