Reasons NOT To Get Married
This isn't targeted toward anyone in particular. I just get tired of people asking about relationships and marriage just because everyone else is gettin' hitched. I hate the fact that people worry about someone else getting married or settling down. I got news for you; I think married people are the fools. It seems to me that only a small percentage of married people are truly happy. I wonder how many were happier being single. I'm sure that marriage is hard work. But exactly how hard should it be? When do you decide to throw in the towel? Marriage is fine for the small number of people who marry the one person they really want to spend the rest of their lives with. That is the exception, not the norm. I think divorce rates in this country prove my point. So, I thought I would present some of my reasons not to get married, as a public service, because I like to help people. Some might say I'm a people person. Yeah, I guess some people could say that. They would be dead fucking wrong, but it could be said. Here we go:
1-Face it, you're just gonna' get divorced later. The divorce rates in this country are astronomical. You can't beat the odds.
2-Did you ever like to go to baseball/football/hockey/soccer/basketball games,racing events,bars,strip clubs,golfing,etc. with your friends? Not anymore. Now she makes all the plans for you. Weddings, showers, parties, all to attended by you in an attempt to bore you to fucking death. Or render you sterile. Women use husbands like a gotdamn accessory.
3-The kid comes next. They almost always want one of those. Now you don't even have time for internet porn.
4-Two chicks at one time. It could still happen, dude. Don't give up on the dream, just yet.
5-Being a bachelor is an old, proud tradition that takes hard work (especially with the chicks throwing themselves at you) but damn it, someone has to do it. Don't be a quitter.
6-Don't you want to be the old, single, and therefore slightly creepy, uncle one day?
7-We are men. We shouldn't be tied to one woman. We aren't wired that way. We are meant to spread our seed far and wide.
8-When you're the single guy, all your married friends will leave any marriage contraband at your house. Anything that may need to be hidden from the ball and chain: porn, drugs, weapons, bank statements, little black book, whatever. You know you can't keep that stuff at home, because she goes through your shit. Trust me.
9-No in-laws.
10-No 'Honey Do Lists'. Fuck, I hate that shit. I hate the fucking concept and I would like to skull-fuck the asshole who came up with that idea. I mean, fuck you, you suck ass. The first time some woman gives me a list, she'll be asking me: "Honey, do you realize you've put all my clothes into a black garbage bag and thrown them onto the fucking lawn?"
11-The ride. Whatever your pleasure. Two wheels or four. Inboard or outboard. Doesn't matter what it is, but guys need a ride. A motorcycle, sports car, muscle car, boat, snowmobile, something mechanical and powerful that gives you a feeling of freedom and stress-free exhilaration. Even if you are with other guys, you and you alone are in charge of your ride. Married men are forced to either abandon their rides or share their rides. Some guys may enjoy sharing their rides. There is a word for those guys. We call them 'pussy'.
Eat it whores
1-Face it, you're just gonna' get divorced later. The divorce rates in this country are astronomical. You can't beat the odds.
2-Did you ever like to go to baseball/football/hockey/soccer/basketball games,racing events,bars,strip clubs,golfing,etc. with your friends? Not anymore. Now she makes all the plans for you. Weddings, showers, parties, all to attended by you in an attempt to bore you to fucking death. Or render you sterile. Women use husbands like a gotdamn accessory.
3-The kid comes next. They almost always want one of those. Now you don't even have time for internet porn.
4-Two chicks at one time. It could still happen, dude. Don't give up on the dream, just yet.
5-Being a bachelor is an old, proud tradition that takes hard work (especially with the chicks throwing themselves at you) but damn it, someone has to do it. Don't be a quitter.
6-Don't you want to be the old, single, and therefore slightly creepy, uncle one day?
7-We are men. We shouldn't be tied to one woman. We aren't wired that way. We are meant to spread our seed far and wide.
8-When you're the single guy, all your married friends will leave any marriage contraband at your house. Anything that may need to be hidden from the ball and chain: porn, drugs, weapons, bank statements, little black book, whatever. You know you can't keep that stuff at home, because she goes through your shit. Trust me.
9-No in-laws.
10-No 'Honey Do Lists'. Fuck, I hate that shit. I hate the fucking concept and I would like to skull-fuck the asshole who came up with that idea. I mean, fuck you, you suck ass. The first time some woman gives me a list, she'll be asking me: "Honey, do you realize you've put all my clothes into a black garbage bag and thrown them onto the fucking lawn?"
11-The ride. Whatever your pleasure. Two wheels or four. Inboard or outboard. Doesn't matter what it is, but guys need a ride. A motorcycle, sports car, muscle car, boat, snowmobile, something mechanical and powerful that gives you a feeling of freedom and stress-free exhilaration. Even if you are with other guys, you and you alone are in charge of your ride. Married men are forced to either abandon their rides or share their rides. Some guys may enjoy sharing their rides. There is a word for those guys. We call them 'pussy'.
Eat it whores
posted by Sean at 6:15 PM
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